Sunday, August 16th: The Cancer Soundtrack - a no Bette Midler zone

As you know, I love music - all of it. I've been thinking about my Cancer Soundtrack for a while, reviewing my own tunes, the CD's many of you have made for me, and other tunage on the radio. While this isn't an exclusive list, it's a good sampling of the journey thus far - I hope to compile a "Part Deux" once I finish kicking the big Purple Pansy *ss of Lymphoma - but you'll just have to wait a couple of months for that one...

HERE WE GO - CANCER SOUNDTRACK, MAY 20TH THROUGH AUGUST 16TH

"Start the Commotion" by Wiseguys. What better way to kick Cancer's ass than to bring it to the game? I used to listen to this on solo bike rides on the Little Miami Trail in Cincy - cranking away miles by the dozen. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iBJmR0uA5jQ


"Funky Cold Medina" by Tone Loc. Yeah, I'm whiter than Casper the friendly ghost(especially now) but I went to High School in the late '80's - therefore it's my right to appreciate the pure awesomeness of Tone. Oh yeah, Craig Clark and I broadcast this over the stadium loudspeaker during a track meet at one point and got in trouble. Remember, the Reagan years were all about purity and innocence (ha ha).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fUTqa5cjOS0

"Clocks" by Coldplay. Yeah, I'm whiter than Casper the friendly ghost, but I love the song - gotta go with the gut! Gotta have one top 40ish adult contemporary on here, eh?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5KkWGy7W3_o

"Fanfare for the Common Man" by Aaron Copeland. It's the one classical music song that every one likes - so kick *ass, so inspirational, quintessentially American. It was originally commissioned for the Cincinnati Symphony during WWII to give us all a kick start against the bastard fascists and Nazis. It inpires the humanity of normal folks like me - the common ones.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xzf0rvQa4Mc

"I'm Alright" by Kenny Loggins. Not only does the song pick you up, but the images of Bill Murray slurring and the dancing Gopher from Caddyshack can put a smile on your face regardless of how bad your day is - if it made me smile when I was looking at a diagnosis of Cancer, it can make you smile too.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-WQNMWBSGUQ

Any song by Mahalia Jackson, period. This woman was the 'high priestess' of gospel music long before Arethra or any of the others. You should really listen to her songs - talk about struggle, pain, and triumph. Considered by many as the most ground breaking, influential, and talented African-American singer of the 20th Century, but she never made much money in the era of Jim Crowe. Too damn bad - pull some songs of hers off of itunes - she is inspirational.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QYijLl5PRRg

"Pretty Amazing Grace" by Neil Diamond. This gem off of the old man's most recent album is classic - I accidentally discovered the tune, and it was a good pick me up when I was in the 'darkest' times of this cancer journey -the weeks of unsurety between Vail and Boston when I was being poked, prodded, and tested all over the halls of the Massachusetts General complex. It could be a love song, a spiritual hymn - it's up to you.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7YLQhVlC36g

"One Tree Hill" by U2. Any cancer soundtrack has to have something from Joshua Tree on it, don't you agree? Hey you kids under 30 -you BETTER have Joshua Tree in your Ipod, or ELSE. Seriously, it's an absolute travesty of musicology to not have the best U2 album at your fingertips, and this is my personal favorite on the LP.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H2kWgm-0xmM

"Ohio" by Over the Rhine. This is a beautiful haunting melody about the Buckeye State by the home grown duet of Over the Rhine. While I no longer live within the borders of the Motherland, I'll always be a son of the Land of the Beautiful River in my heart.... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v-c7ir1K_1Q

Remake of "Video Killed the Radio Star" by the Presidents of the United States. This one comes courtesy of DJ Josh Vogel and his Tiger Team 2:2008 "Pass Less, Rush More" Soundtrack. I don't own the POTUS album, but the TT2 albums from our annual boys' trips are precious - especially this one from 2008 in the Black Hills of South Dakota & Wyoming w/mustaches and RV travel.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=htb6OKuR4DA

"Mud Football" by Jack Johnson. Another classic DJ Vogel TT2 soundtrack (2003 "Hit the Mitt" version from Michigan)- an inspiration for the days when I'm off crutches, riding my bike again, and hanging out with friends and family for a nice backyard BBQ.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z7fM-CDnU8w

"Light & Day/Reach for the Sun" by the Polyphonic Spree. The energy of these doo-gooder hippies is awesome, and I have listened to this one over and over while watching those big bags of IV drugs drip into my system. Look at these guys - how can that energy not help pump up your system to kick this Cancer's ass? This picture says a thousand words. Go get the song - you won't regret it, I promise.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rHJo_klmPcA

Carpe Diem.
-Bill

Tuesday, August 11th: PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE DON'T YOU BE AN ASSCLOWN!

$82,947.90

....spelled out it is "Eighty Two Thousand, Nine Hundred Forty Seven dollars and Ninety cents."

That my friends, is the summary of my "Explanation of Benefits" from Rocky Mountain Health Plans which summarizes the cost of Cancer from May 20th through July 14th. This was the first Fifty Five days of my treatment.

For those of you who are fellow public school graduates and have some trouble with math, the average cost PER DAY for my diagnosis and treatment through mid-July equaled $1,508.14.

And to think, this only covered the first two rounds of Chemotherapy. To put it in perspective, ONE of the five drugs in the "RCHOP" chemotherapy regimen costs $11,000 for an IV bag. Yes, that's eleven grand for one bag full of clear fluid that you could hold in both hands. The day after chemo I get a shot in the back of my arm of a drug called Neulasta which causes my body to produce white blood cells so I don't die from a cold between treatments - wanna guess the cost of that needle? Anyone? Seven thousand eight hundred dollars.

And I haven't even started to guestimate the cost of radiation treatments.

In a nutshell, by the time I get my expected "It's gone for now" talk from my Oncologist around Thanksgiving, this little peckerwood called Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma will cost my insurance company somewhere between $200,000 and $300,000 (USA). And according to the doctors here in Denver and back in Boston, I "got the cancer you want to get." If an "easy" cancer costs the same as a house to treat - what would the costs be if I had Sarcoma, or Leukemia, or had to get a bone marrow transplant? Up to a million bucks. That's $1,000,000 CASH. For us, the good news is that our 'out of pocket' expenses for treatment plus the travel costs to/from Massachusetts General will be around $5,000. I think that's a pretty sweet deal, don't you?

Imagine if I didn't have health insurance - we'd be screwed with the choice of 'live in crushing debt', or 'die.' Now you can see how thankful I am to be employed and to have this health plan. If I became unemployed and lost insurance or Cobra - there is a strong chance I wouldn't be able to get covered, and then couldn't get treatment. Then I'd be dead and you wouldn't have this cool blog to read anymore.

Why am I writing this? Because I'm sure many of you reading this blog may not have health insurance for various reasons (too expensive, unemployed, etc). You may say "I'm not going to get sick" or "I'm too healthy or young to get a life threatening illness". When you think of this, think of your in-shape, excercising, and young friend out here in Denver. I did all the right things, exercised, ate well, limited my substance abuse but for the occasional beer, whiskey, and/or celebratory cigar, and guess what - Cancer found me.

It could find you, too. Or it could be another disease, or an even worse kind of cancer.

So my wisdom for the week is: "DON'T BE AN ASSCLOWN, GET HEALTH INSURANCE".

If you think you can't afford it, stop eating out, don't go to Starbucks, sell a car and drive a beater, stop getting cable or internet, move to a cheaper town or neighborhood - do ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING possible to get the insurance because you'll never know when you need it.

Health insurance is more important than your house, your stuff, your job - in fact it is the most important thing you can provide (besides food and basic shelter) for your clan. Don't take this email as a bitch session about the cost of healthcare - it isn't. They have AMAZING drugs and therapyfor this disease which fifty years ago would have been my death. It is worth every penny. Doctors deserve every cent they get - I don't care if they live in big houses, drive fancy cars, or get to jet around the world. THEY ARE WORTH IT.

So what do I think about this big health care debate in Congress where everyone is getting lathered up about each proposal? Frankly, I'm VERY skeptical of anything Congress proposes, regardless of whether it is by the Democrats, Independents, or even the irresponsible dumbasses of my Party, the Republicans. Take one trip to the DMV in your community(see pic), or be an Architect trying to get a project through Planning/Zoning Departments, and you'll see the incompetence of Government. Frankly, I don't want these people figuring out what's best for my health condition or treatment regimen - they have enough difficulty issuing us plastic cards with our picture on them. Imagine if they would determine how much (or little) treatment you get for a disease based upon their judgement....

But one thing I do know, it's a crime for people to be denied available treatment because they are in a circumstance where they cannot pay - whether it is due to unforeseen circumstances or their irresponsible behavior. We are too rich and successful as a people for this to happen. As a human being I can't stomach this- it's wrong to be knowingly deny coverage to someone who could be helped. Can you believe this, a Libertarianesque-Republican saying this? It must be all those Methodist pies and sermons finally rubbing off on me. So, something has to be done, and everyone - whether rich or poor - is going to have to pay for it. America voted for a 'change' of direction - let's see just how much "change" we as a country are willing to pay for.

Don't forget our Mr. Rogers' lesson of the day: PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE don't you be an assclown!"

Carpe diem.

-Bill

Wednesday, August 5th: Man-o-man, do I miss beer

It's been a relatively quiet week here on the Western front - the usual non-mountain weekend due to the damn crutches, some bad Cable TV, and the occasional walk/hop to the end of the street to look at the mountains. On the cancer update: I had my blood counts taken on Monday and the nurse was really positive about the results, not only am I on the high end (good) for a dude going through chemo, but the counts are as high as non-chemo people. So what does that mean? It means I've bounced back from Round #3 and am waiting to give the Cancer b*tch another slap when Round #4 starts next Thursday.

Now, for my personal ramblings about life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness....

We were fortunate to have a friend from Cincy, Dave Schuster as a 'part time' houseguest over the past week during his post-college graduation quest to visit local microbreweries here in the Front Range. He's a home brewer, and eventually hopes to get into the beer brewing business back in the 'Natty (that's Cincinnati for those of you who don't understand) since he's graduated from UC. Best of luck to him, he'll do well.

His visit has me all lathered up with my cravings for a nice tall cold one (or two). As an individual who is primarily made up of Irish/French Canadian/Native American DNA (with a bit of England/Wales thrown in the mix) it's my genetic duty to drink beer. If you think about these three ethnic groups and their 'history' with grain-based beverages, it's a wonder I've never been to an AA meeting. In keeping with these genetic predispositions of the Baker (changed from Boulanger because racists in early 20th century Massachusetts wouldn't hire French Canadians) clan, I'll confess I do like beer.

My oncologist at Rocky Mountain Cancer Center, Dr. Hinshaw, is Romanian & really nice, but very stern in an Eastern European kind of way. If any of you traveled over to Eastern Europe in the first 5 years after the collapse of Communism, you know what I mean. When we first started the chemo regimen, she was VERY CLEAR that no alcohol or drugs (sorry all you Medicinal Mary Jane pushers) should be in my system during the entire 6 rounds. This fact, coupled with my new found (thanks Mom and Amanda) organic diet has led me away from the beverage I was born to love. So I've done my duty as a good order-taking WASP soldier in the fight against Cancer. Let me tell you, not having the occasional cold one has really sucked.

My love of beer isn't in an alcoholic "I'm shaking until I get my fix" way, it's more an appreciation of the tangy refreshing, hoppy taste that is SOOOO good on a hot dry summer day - which is most of them up here in Denver. Dave's visit reminded me that we live in one of the greatest brewing cities in the world and MY OH MY do I miss having a nice, cold Fat Tire courtesy of the artisans at New Belgium Brewing Company up in Fort Collins, CO.

Fat Tire is one of my favorite beers, and while I enjoy it I have to be in the right mood. The rest of the time (85%) my favorite is none other than the Champagne of Beers, Miller High Life. Quit snickering you yuppie sons-of-b*tches, the High Life is where it's at. You won't admit it in public, but on every camping trip with your buddies or nights out with the girlfriends in the Midwest you've had the High Life and you've loved it.

You see, the High Life is a fine beer for those of us who were formed north of the Mason Dixon Line, west of Shittsburgh, and east of the Mighty Mississipi. It has great graphics, a not-too-filling taste, a cool bottle, and most importantly is a lot less expensive than just about every other beer except for Pudweiser, Natty Light, and the Beast. Besides, if you're a true M-Westerner you don't need to flout your bank with a nice expensive beer, 'cause you're a cheapskate at heart and would rather have the 'best crappy beer' on a regular basis than squeeze a few extra bucks out of the wallet.

Since it looks like my chemo treatments are stretching through the end of September I won't be able to have a real beer (O'Douls doesn't count- don't ask) until October or November depending on what the Radiation doctor says. But you can bet that when I'm done - I'm heading up to the High Life for some tangy refreshment. O'Douls? to quote the High Life Man "I DON'T THINK SO!"

The High Life has the best beer commercials on TV. Who doesn't love this guy and his anti-elitist beverage attitude? Now if only we could get him as our spokesperson for the fight against cancer?


Stay strong, hug your loved ones, go to your clubhouse for me, and have a nice tall High Life for this weekend.

Carpe diem.
-Bill

Wednesday, July 29th: Top Ten things about being given the sh*t sandwich of Cancer

As a former student of the "Harvard of the Midwest" (Ball State University), and in the spirit of our most famous alum, David Letterman, I figure it's about time I give you a "top ten list" about this disease.

"THE TOP TEN THINGS ABOUT BEING GIVEN THE SH*T SANDWICH OF CANCER."

#10 - Miralax

Sure, there's all sorts of side effects that are supposed to happen because of the chemotherapy drugs (a.k.a. poison). Mouth sores, vomiting, constipation, dizzyness, numbness, etc. I've been pretty lucky to have minimal effects on my body considering they are pumping somewhere between $15-$25k worth of poison into me every 3 weeks. YES, IT IS THAT EXPENSIVE. But let me tell you, without the brilliance of the people at Schering-Plough HealthCare Products, Inc you ALL would be hearing screams wafting in on the jet stream from out here in Denver. Sometimes it's like trying to crap a pile of sandpaper. You get the drift.

#9 - Chemo brain

Per above, there is an incredible amount of pharmaceutical genius being pumped into my body right now, not only the THOUSANDS for chemo, but the dozens of pill bottles strewn throughout the house and neatly labeled by my lovely wife so I don't get stoned on the wrong drug at the wrong time. Unlike my time at the RKE house at Ball State (those of you who know, know), this is the first time in my adult life where I really am all whacked in the brain. But since I'm a little puffy cheeked and am bald, I can use the 'chemo brain' excuse for whenever my body has decided to catch up for the brain cell burnout circa 1990-1995 in Muncie. Chemo brain - try it cancer friends.

#8 - The Economy doesn't matter

All of us in the Architecture, Construction, & Design profession are seeing the worst economic conditions since the Great Depression. You know it, I know it, and the empty desks scattered throughout our respective work environments show it. Frankly, I'm incredibly appreciative of my employer for having a job and health insurance (note the THOUSANDS listed above). But really, in the grand scheme of things - the economy doesn't matter. Turn off the cable news, MSNBC, and stop reading the magazines - it'll work itself out. I'm fortunate enough to drive into work looking at the beauty of the Rockies (when the smog isn't out), it puts it in perspective. Until the Great Depression, the United States had a financial crash & panic every 10-15 years - look it up. As it says in Ecclesiastes "There is nothing new under the sun"

#7 - No inhibitions

There's nothing more humbling than sitting in a room at the Yawkey Outpatient Center of Massachusetts General Hospital with more Harvard Faculty MD's than you can shake a stick at looking at you and saying "Cancer" and "Mr. Baker" in the same sentence. Seriously, after that conversation you can do whatever the hell you want, when you want. Nothing is more serious than that. I love having the freedom now to say my piece - what are you gonna do, give me cancer?

#6 - Friendship & Family

I have been truly blessed through this experience for my friends and family - which are now becoming one and the same. The phone calls from far and wide, the errand running, the hugs for Amanda, the hand on the shoulder, the facebook notes, the text messages, the cards, the snacks, the wraps & smoothies - everything. Even my best childhood friend Craig sending me the Family Guy "Peanut Butter Jelly Time" youtube video (seriously, great stuff) - it all is precious. This has been one of the best experiences of my life. I wouldn't trade this for anything.

#5 - The Funeral Contingency

I did it. I mapped out my funeral. Where it was going to happen, who speaks & the order, what scripture texts are read, the hymns, what minister, and even the list of my pallbearers. It may sound morbid, but was an ongoing effort for several nights which was incredibly rewarding. I thought about past funerals I'd attended, and the feelings & emotions associated with each person. This was a great chance to 'send a message' about the life I've lived, and the emotions I wanted to people to feel when they walked out of that church. It's a great self-retrospective experience, and I don't regret doing it, even though I'm not going to need that roadmap for another 63 years or so.

#4 - Music

The thought of your mortality heightens the senses. While many of you know I'm passionate about all types of music - ever since my diagnosis I've appreciated even more the intricacy and beauty of musical notes and compositions. From choral concerts to jamming on the radio - I can't describe how much richer all music has become to me since May 20, 2009.

#3 - The Morning

The fresh smell and glow of the sunrise means even more, because I've had a taste of reality that it won't last forever for me. There is nothing better than the light breeze and earthy smell of the prairie on a cool, sunny morning in Denver. Since we live on the east side, that's all I've got. If we were up in the foothills I could espouse about the wonder of the ponderosa pines. Sorry, in Stapleton we've only got construction dust, tumbleweed, and Prairie Dogs.

#2 - Beauty

A carved sandstone detail at the entry of our church in Denver, a branch of a ponderosa pine in Evergreen, the shadows of the snowmelt at Mount Evans in the morning, the design of Denver Central Park, a genuine smile of joy on a person - it rocks. Beauty is beauty, and I'm appreciating it even more now. OK perverts, the 'no strip club' rule still holds true - NOT that kind of beauty.

#1 - Love

Amanda. Thanks Tony G - I can't imagine if I hadn't listened to you and ended it with my (now) wife some 14+ years ago. You are one wise sonofabitch.

By the way, my father in law says I now look like Paul Shaffer of Letterman - how appropriate.

Carpe diem.

-Bill