Wednesday, December 23rd: It's all for the rest of us!

It's here - the anticipation amongst all of your family and offspring has reached a maddening crescendo - it's time for Festivus!

Those of you who are fans of the show Seinfeld (meaning any witty human between the ages of 26 & 46) can remember the 'joke' of a holiday that was celebrated by the Costanza Family, and now has taken off in popular culture to actually become a recognized secular celebration in some states.

In Wisconsin & Washington, there are Festivus Poles displayed in the Governor's mansion (the former) and State House (the latter). A company in Wisconsin manufactures the poles (The Wagner Companies, Milwaukee), and there is even a FESTIVUS FILM FESTIVAL up here in Denver (Google it - I swear it's real).

Yeah, I know you're saying "Seriously Bill, this is a joke!" But is it? It's a holiday where a bunch of people get together around a vertical item (tree, pole, menorah, etc) follow traditions, get honest with each other (airing of grievances or drink too much), say a prayer that it all won't be too stressful, eat a big meal, and annoy each other.

For my Jewish friends and extended family - sounds like Hanukkah, doesn't it?

For my fellow Christian friends and family (of various teams) - sounds like Christmas, doesn't it?

For my athiest/agnostic friends and family - sounds like any holiday based social gathering, doesn't it?

The only thing missing from the official account of Festivus from the show (there may be a real equivalent, as I'm not an official celebrator of this cool holiday) is the doing good and giving to others which permeates the Hannukah/Christmas/Misc Holiday Season. That is truly one of the best parts.

So why talk about Festivus in this version of the blog? First, it's in the wee hours of the morning on December 23rd - which all Seinfeld fans know is Festivus. Second, I'm really tired of the over-the-top PC sensitivity that everyone gets their shorts into a wad over around the Hanukkah/Christmas season in order not to offend anyone.

Frankly people, I've got more important things to do than worry about which holiday you celebrate - whether Hanukkah, Christmas, Festivus, Kwanzaa, or whatever. OK, I have to admit that Kwanzaa is still a bit of a stretch for me, but I'm a white guy who kicked cancer in the nuts with French Canadian/Irish blood who doesn't really have a right to tell one ethnic community"no" when all people regardless of race and creed get drunk on my day - St. Patty's Day. We all know it is a made up drinking celebration based upon a dead white saint who drove snakes off of a green little pile of rocks a millenium ago.

So go ahead, and do the Kwanzaa thing. No judgement on my end.

When we were at the Taos Pueblo a couple of weeks back we were talking with one of the shopkeepers/residents of the Pueblo about their unique traditions this time of year. For their religion (which is their Native faith interspersed with Catholicism) they do a really cool thing through the month of December - they 'rest and respect the Mother Earth'. She explained that they don't listen to radio, watch tv, or talk to each other much (yes, there is a stereotype about Native peoples based upon the actress in Northern Exposure that may have some truth to it). She explained that it gives them time to appreciate the goodness of their lives and all they have been given. Their season culminates with the 'Deer Dance' on January 6th. She couldn't tell me the meaning, as their native religious ceremonies are secret, but frankly, it sounded really wonderful.

When Amanda and I got married, we both came from reasonably devout backgrounds - she was raised a Presbyterian. I was raised the son of a Catholic and Evangelical. After we got married, we as a couple made a conscious decision to attend religious services and joined the Methodist denomination. Being from rural Ohio, I had been exposed to the "Average American Religion" (United Methodist Church) most of my life and it was a nice blend of our spiritual heritage. After all, with high profile members such as Hillary Clinton, Dubya, Rush Limbaugh, and Stephen King. how could the Methodist Team not be one worth exploring?

One of the favorite Methodist traditional services of mine (not much different from many of you other traditional Christian Teams) is attending Christmas Eve Services - of the candle light/carol based variety. It's a highly reverential service, much like the practice of the Taos Natives, which is quiet and respects the importance of the spiritual aspects of the Christmas Celebration. Frankly, being in a beautiful old cathedral lit by candles on a cold winter's night is a magical moment. This year, it will be especially magical, as we'll be at Trinity Methodist in Downtown Denver (a seriously beautiful building - check it out when you can) listening to their wonderful choir to candlelight. Of all the songs sung at past services, my favorite Carol is "Once in Royal David's City" We first heard this in a Christmas Eve service at our congregation in Cincinnati, Hyde Park Community Methodist, sung by the pre-puberty son of some friends of ours, the Viators. Absolutely beautiful.

Over the years since I've made it a point to, on each Christmas Eve, tune into the BBC's broadcast of the "Festival of Lessons and Carols" from King's College Chapel in Cambridge, England. They do a beautiful rendition of the song, in a wonderful architectural space that is a unique interpretation of a Christian Church - I like to call it the "Festivus Table" of religious space. When you look at the video, notice the beautiful, light & spiritually inspired structure. Then take a look at the layout of the chapel where the people face each other as a community, with little focus (if any) on the 'front' altar of the space. This is a room where people could (when the service is over) effectively air some grievances - possibly even participate in the feats of strength.

But seriously, start the video and turn up the volume. It's magic. One of the items on my 'bucket list' would be to attend this service at King's in person. Since I've beat cancer, I've got about 63 years to go until birthday 100 - we'll fit it in there somehow.

"Tears and smiles like us He knew;
And He feeleth for our sadness,
And He shareth in our gladness."

Celebrate this Season and appreciate what you've been given. You're living in this moment and have seen another sunrise. That's all you get.

Merry Christmas!

-Bill

CANCER UPDATE: Radiation oncologist, Dr. Chin, said it 'looks good'. I follow up with him mid-spring. On my first 3 month check up with my regular Oncologist, Dr. Hinshaw, I may end up getting another PetScan to do a baseline 'all clear' after radiation - more to come next month.

CANCER SOUNDTRACK: "Once in Royal David's City" As mentioned above, by any whoop-*ss choir.

Wednesday, December 16th: The many hats of friendship

There is an old scripture I remember from my days in Sunday School which can be summarized by the statement "a prophet is unloved in his hometown".

Before I go any further, for the record, I wish to state that I am not intending to in any way designate myself as a "prophet" or be compared to the big JC (or "haysoose" as we say up here in Denver). I'm just using this to make a point. It's my blog, so I can do what I want.

OK, back on subject. My hometown (from age 3 through college)was the small community of Sparta, Ohio - population somewhere between 150-200 people. It's in Morrow County, about 35 miles north of Columbus. Yep, it's that small. Sparta's biggest claim to fame is a former Major League baseball pitcher, Tim Belcher, who had a great career including a World Series run with the Dodgers in the late 80's. He's a good man, by the way, who is living in the community and raising his family there. The other claims to fame of Sparta are the annual Methodist Strawberry Festival, Highland High School (550 kids - consolidated from surrounding towns) and the legendary Lundy Stillwell (Rest in peace) who owned & ran the General Store for years. A funny story - Lundy actually used to let me pick up beer and cigars for my dad when I was a kid and take it home on my bike. Dad had called in the order and Lundy only gave me as much as was approved.

Sparta was a great place to grow up. We lived in an old farmhouse on the edge of town, across from the local High School. No major drug problems there - a little weed and some whippets were about all the hard-living one could do, aside from the occasional beer party. In a nutshell the kids do one (or several) of the following: Drink Beer, Play Sports, or Fool Around.

Pretty Norman Rockwell-ish, huh?

I had a great experience there, and was able to make many friends and have kept in touch with quite a few of them over the years, despite my time in Muncie, Raleigh, Cincinnati, and here in Denver. Several of you know that through a strange set of professional circumstances I have been given the priviledge of leading the design efforts on the new High School to replace the one from which I graduated. My firm in Denver partnered with my old firm in Cincy to be the Architects on the project. It's been the best of both worlds - I've been able to continue working with my good friends from Cincy, while living in Denver, and getting to spend a lot of time over the past 2 years back in my home community. My wife has also worked on the project, and has really enjoyed getting to know many of the people who I've known for all my life.

In 2008 & early 2009 I had been back in the community every 2-3 weeks, and was able to get together many times with old friends Kate, Chris, Megan, Dave, Shannon, Craig, etc - many of which I really hadn't communicated with for close to a decade. You know you've got special people in your life when you can sit down and it's as if the years didn't pass at all - we've had a great time reconnecting and talking about our (gulp) 20th reunion coming up in 2010.

So, getting back to it - my cancer diagnosis happened about 2 weeks after our major work on the project had been completed here in Denver - perfect timing for the project, as my illness didn't affect any professional obligations, but it did cut me off from doing any real work on the job and traveling back to work and visit. However, the outpouring of cards, messages, and support from everyone back in little ole' Sparta was amazing. My good friend Craig (If its free take it!) even came out and spent a week with us during my treatments to help out. Heck, even my junior high study hall monitor got word of my illness and sent me a card. Thanks Mrs Fulton - you're cool, I apologize for the hell I put you through in the mid 80's.

So, Bill you say - that's great. You had cancer and got a lot of cards - why write about Sparta, Ohio in your blog? Because I recently got a surprise box in the mail from Ohio.

You know what happened? About 15 of my high school classmates from Sparta who still live in the Columbus area got together this fall and had "Billapalooza" - a gathering of support for little old me. They put a care package together with a donation, a bunch of video greetings, and most importantly - a TON of hats. Everything from a sombrero to a 'short bus' helmet was in there. Many of these friends I haven't seen in close to 10 years - a truly touching moment that made both Amanda and I smile really big.

Jesus may have been wrong on this one- you can be loved in your hometown. I sure as heck have felt that way. I don't mean to discredit him, as he is the Boss of my Methodist Team. But I think I've got him on this one. By the way, the first picture at the top is my modeling of one of the hats they sent me - a "Colorado Buffalo" with some Rocky Mountain scenery in the back.

Here's to you Sparta, home of the Highland Fighting Scots. These 1400 miles between Denver and Morrow County don't seem too far at all.

CANCER UPDATE - the first follow up with my radiation oncologist is this Friday. Nothing fancy, they get to look at the still bald portion of my 'inner hip'. Golden Rays of Sunshine and body hair on your 'inner hip' (code word for crotch) don't mesh well together, and the hair loses every time. Just call me "half lawn".

CANCER SOUNDTRACK - "Hard Sun" by Eddie Vedder from the Soundtrack of "Into the Wild". Sorry hard-core music fan friends, I know you may not like this one. But I like Pearl Jam - and so does our good friend Anne. This is for you Mrs. East. The movie is good, and about a guy who follows his dream out West - I can relate. Only my story doesn't end with me starving in an abandoned school bus- I'd like to think that my version has turned out to be pretty positive, don't you?

Carpe diem.

-Bill

Thursday, November 26th: THE THANKSGIVING 'MAGIC EYE' IMAGE

Remember the 'Magic Eye' episode of Seinfeld? Take a look at this image below and focus on the middle - do you see it?

If you can't see it (I can't see magic eye images - so I won't judge you) I've interpreted for you:

One more reason to enjoy Thanksgiving 2009: Baby Baker coming this Spring to St Joseph's Hospital in Denver.....The best thing about beating cancer will be welcoming her into the world.



Carpe diem.
-Bill



p.s. 'Cancer Beating Soundtrack Song #2'


"Follow You, Follow Me" by Genesis. I saw these guys on their 'farewell' tour in '92 in Indianapolis with Kootch & Bogle - best concert I've been to, hands down. Enjoy this video from the 2007 "Hey we need more cash" tour. Go see them when they return - great musicianship & showmanship. Worth the tix prices.

Sunday, November 15th: A year in the life of Mr Toad's Tunnel

As I enter my last week of radiation treatments it's as if I'm nearing the light at the end of this particular tunnel of my life - a very dark, confusing, treacherous, yet simultaneously glorious time.

The past 12 months started with a lot of pain, a fun time working on some professionally rewarding projects back in Ohio, and a boatload of travel. I had no idea about this "Mr Toad's Wild Ride" when I entered the hospital in Vail thinking that my ortho hip procedure would result in a quick rehab and a pain-free hip.

Oh my, Life can take unexpected, unplanned turns that challenge you to the core of your being. But it will simultaneously teach you something about yourself, your relationships, and your world.

I've got what I wished for -a pain-free(relatively speaking) hip. But my path to this point was entirely different than planned. Let's just say that the light at the end of the tunnel got pushed back "a few months". You know what? This may sound crazy to all of you who haven't had an illness similar to cancer, but the lessons life-threatening diseases teach you are awesome. As my High School track coach and science teacher Mr. Harrell used to say: A DUBYA EE ESS OH EM EE - AWESOME! AWESOME! AWESOME! Those of you who hail from Sparta have a leg up on everyone else reading the blog, because you can hear him say it, can't you?

This year has taught me the importance of looking through the 'noise' of life and looking at your true inner being. Trust me, it doesn't matter how successful you are, how important you are, how many friends you have, what degree you have, or what kind of car you drive - when you are faced with the possibility that you will die you are instantly pulled into a 'second level' consciousness where all the stuff of daily life doesn't mean anything.

You look at your family, your friends, and your faith (if you have it) - that's it. In fact, I'll bet most folks who face this will gain an understanding of faith. You've heard the old saying 'there are no athiests in foxholes?" Well guess what, there aren't any at the receiving end of a chemotherapy drug line, either.

All the trappings of the 'stuff' go away, and you realize that we are all running to the 'next thing' to avoid thinking about the 'bigger picture'. Don't get me wrong, aspiring for success in life, careers, finances, and in your recreational activities is awesome - but I can really see how many people are unfulfilled and trying to give a meaning to their life based on stuff, substances, and power. I've been given the gift of an 'early sneak peak' of the one thing we can't run from - death. Facing the possibility of the 'd' word and being given the chance to return to a 'second half' (reference my earlier Hoosiers posting) is life changing.

I now believe that the secret of life is stamping your ticket, hopping onto Mr. Toad's little car, and following the tracks through the ups, downs, twists, and turns. While you're on the ride, you're supposed to savor the gift of every minute you have, cherish the people who cross your path, be honest in your relationships, and be true to your faith.

When I think about the past year, from last Thanksgiving in Breckenridge with Amanda and my folks, to this upcoming Thanksgiving here in Denver with both of our parents, I think about the hundreds of amazing people in my life - both old relationships and new - who've been instrumental in helping me stay focused on the task of defeating Lymphoma. Some of these awesome people include:

• Dr Philippon - the world renowned hip surgeon who discovered my tumor and delivered the cancer news with compassion & care.


• Terri - Dr. P's assistant who helped us get additional tests in Vail and arrange all of the appointments at Massachusetts General


• Rev's Dent, Slejko, and Marshall - The clergy at Trinity Methodist in Denver who went out of their way to show both of us kindness and support during my treatments.


• My new blogger friends - This blog has connected me to people all over the world who have been touched by this disease. They have inspired and humbled me, as I realize many of them are not as fortunate as I, and are at a more advanced stage of the disease - you all have been amazing.


• My old friends - phone calls and messages from Craig, Josh, Urb, Dave, Ben, Jeff, Tim, Nathan, Nicky, Kootch, Mike, Keith, Cindy, Barb, Bob, Kathy, Nancy, Tag & Jan, and hundreds of others have been overwhelming - all of you have made me appreciate our experiences together, and gave me the will to fight this off


• Family - can't say enough - Amanda, my parents, Siblings, Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, In-laws, words can't express it, so I won't even try.

I've mentioned to many of you that a second version of my 'cancer soundtrack' is coming out to celebrate my apparent recovery. Instead of rolling it out all at once, I'm going to sprinkle the next volume of CCSI tunes over the next several posts - the first song on Volume II is a good 'syllabus' of what I've learned over the past year - how I've given out love in the past, and that "measure of my life" came back 10-fold in loving support from all of you during my treatment and recovery. The song is "Seasons of Love" from the 90's broadway musical "Rent."

I know that many of you reading this blog may have trouble getting past the subject matter of the show - there's all sorts of drug abuse, bohemian artists, alternative lifestyles, various people hooking up - it's pretty much a Jerry Springer artistic free for all - but the core message resonates with the lessons I've been able to learn over the past year. Check out some of the lyrics from this song, and then listen to the whole tune on the video below - it's impressive.

Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred minutes
How do you measure, measure a year?

In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights
In cups of coffee
In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife

In five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred minutes
How do you measure a year in the life?

How about love? How about love?
How about love? Measure in love.

So take a look in the mirror and ask yourself - "if my doctor told me tomorrow that there was a 50/50 chance I might die - what would I change?"

And then go do it- NOW. You never know what the next year will bring.

Carpe Diem.

-Bill

p.s. Don't worry, I'm not getting all "new age hippy introspective" on all of you - I'm still the same old politically incorrect person you've always known, with a bit of a 'new dose of reality' thrown in.